Thursday, November 19, 2009

Dangling the Carrot

Nothing like a cliff hanger. I wasn't going to tell this but I'm easily swayed by peer pressure. Anyways, Marty wrote it --- as a play. It's not really as funny as you are probably hoping for, but at least you can all get on with your lives ;)

I'm going to go hide now.


The Scene: The Flying Saucer Pub in downtown Raleigh. It is 3 PM. Sunny. Cool. A nice Autumn day. Bri is relaxing on the outside deck with a pint of Sea Dog Blueberry. She just finished 2nd in a 5k running race. She is enjoying pretzels and beer.

Her tummy hurts. She has to go to the bathroom. One of those post-running workout issues all runners have experienced. Time to go potty.

Bri: “I have to go potty,” she tells her husband, Marty. “You know.”

Marty: Nods his head. He has been there.

Bri gets up from the table and walks inside. It is dim and smoky. There are people sitting in groups, laughing, chatting, having fun. She proceeds to the bathroom. As far as bar / pub bathrooms go it is not bad. Not too clean, not too dirty. About what you’d expect. She walks to the stalls. There are three. One of them is taken. Bri takes the stall farthest from the door and enters.

Bri gets prepared to do her business. There are a few loud, pre-emptive strikes.

Three year old little boy in the stall next door: “HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!”

Little boy’s Mother: “No, Timmy, be quiet!”

Bri shakes her head and continues onward. The bathroom fills with the terrible smell of a post-hard run poop.

Little boy: “STINK!”

Little boy’s Mother: “No!”

Little boy: “STINK!”

Little boy’s Mother: “No!”

Bri tries to hide her head but no one is looking. She is not sure if she should laugh or cry. Perhaps she’ll just hide in the stall until they are gone.

Little boy: “STINK!”

Little boy’s Mother: “No!”

Little boy: “STINK!”

Little boy’s Mother: “Timmy! If you don’t stop I’m going to wash your mouth at with soap!”

Little boy: “Why? STINK!”

Little boy’s Mother: “Because you’re not being nice!”

Time passes. Bri has to wait them out because she clearly can’t face the little boy so immediately. The little boy finishes his doodies. The mother helps him wash his hands and they leave.

Bri waits some more. She washes her hands. She exits the bathroom. She tries not to look at the little boy she can see out of the corner of her eye. Is he waving and pointing? Is he holding his nose? Is that mom smiling at her?

Bri sits back down with her husband. “You won’t believe what just happened in there.”

Marty: “Tell me.”

10 comments:

Heather said...

That is hysterical! I have had that conversation with both of my girls before....it is just as embarrassing for the mom - good choice in waiting them out. :)

LZ said...

So awesome...this totally made my day! :)

Rebecca DeWire said...

That was funny! I am so glad you shared. At the same time I am nervous that Elena will be start saying things like this in public! I am sure that the mother was mortified.

Amie Krasnozon said...

ha-ha too funny!

Angela and David Kidd said...

Too funny. I just know I am going to be that mother one day. And the poor little kid, getting in trouble for saying what he smelled

Angela said...

That is so Ryan. Haha. Poor Bri and poor mommy. I wonder, was the little boy talking about his "doodie" too?

HAHAHA. I can't stop.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...I can see Ashleigh doing that!

Beth said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh my. That made my day. Tooooo funny! Only because I can totally see myself in the same situation. Ahhh running... ;)

wonderwoman said...

Very funny! Thanks for sharing.

runningyankee said...

hmmm wonder if THAT gets you a plate on the wall...