So if you read Marty's blog (and you should), you'll know that we had an extremely hard week last week.
I thought that knowing that Tassie's heart was going to give out soon-ish would help me come to terms with her death but I don't think it did at all. To say Marty and I are sad is a huge understatement. I had dogs growing up but never felt this type of attachment, understandably as she was our first 'baby.' And she did SO much with us. We really tried to include her in as much as possible. And she was just the best dog. So sweet, so well-behaved, so happy - all the time. And she was too young. She would've been 9 on July 23rd - but that dumb heart of hers! Everything else on that dog was 100% healthy.
I don't think one can even understand it unless you've gone through it. I certainly didn't know how it would affect us.
We made the best of the long, holiday weekend. My birthday was on Memorial Day this year and we had a nice time. We hooked up the bike trailer and the three of us road to a local park before riding to get ice cream. And that evening we went to a Durham Bulls game which are always a good time. The prior night we went to a cookout at our friends house where they bought me a Publix cake and sang happy birthday. I do feel like the luckiest person to have my birthday close to a holiday like that - if people are in town they usually want to get together. And I wind up with some impromptu party. I probably have had more actual birthday parties than any adult should.
But there is just this gray cloud coloring everything right now. I tear up every time I think about her. Knowing that I won't ever hug her or pet her and get a lick from her. One of the hardest parts was picking up her ashes. We all went to get them and we all drove home, together in the car, just like always. She 'sat' in her seat and it was unbearable. I guess I'm just very sad still and have a feeling I will be for awhile.